Thought of the week. Be Do have

Find out how successful people organise their efforts and energy that separates them from the average Jo.

Advertisements

The top 10 reasons you can’t afford not to have a life coach.

life coach

The life coaching skill-set is the best tools I’ve ever had for growth, change, and progress in my own life and in the life of those I have the privilege of working with.

Here are the top 10  reasons why you really need a life coach.

1. Living the dream. Everyone has a dream yet, I would say the majority of people have decided to settle for what they have rather than what they really want. Life coaching connects people with their dreams again in a way that sees those dreams become a reality. It takes people from where they are now to where they want to be.

2. Quality of life. Anthony Robbins says this  is determined by the quality of the questions we ask ourselves. Life coaching is not about telling you what to do or giving you all the right answers, instead it is totally geared towards asking high quality questions. The right question is far more valuable than the right answer.

3. Success requires a team of people. Give me an example of one person who has succeeded alone. Although fame and fortune usually belongs to the individual, no one gets there purely on the back of their own strengths and talents. Behind every successful person are always key people who make all the difference in their life. Without their input and support, success would have been impossible. A coach is one person you definitely need on your team.

4. We get stuck. Our tendency is often towards safety, self-protection and survival. I am absolutely astounded by how much power God has placed inside each of us, yet equally as staggering is how many people give their power away and live as victims. Yeah stuff happens, and life really isn’t fair, but if you always play it safe, all you’ll ever have is regrets and disappointments. We all need people in our world who keep us reaching beyond our comfort zones to go where the life is.

5. We have blind spots. We all have things that we don’t know that we don’t know. The problem is that we can’t change what we don’t see. Beyond what we currently know and have experienced lies what we don’t know and have yet to experience. Out there is where the magic is. Life coaching acts like a great mirror to help you see what is really inside you, what’s holding you back, and what you are really capable of.

6. Grow or die. Every living thing abides by this simple rule. When we stop adding to the quality of our life we wither and die. If not physically then definitely emotionally, spiritually, mentally or relationally. Life coaching keeps you focussed on becoming more no matter how hard it is or what setbacks you have endured.

7. The world needs you to shine. Your spouse, kids, friends, community, city, state, country, planet need what’s inside you and for you to succeed at life.  We can’t afford to miss out on your gifts, talents, voice, ideas, creativity and your unique contribution. There is no one else just like you. There never has been and never will be. Life coaching helps you become great at being you.

8. Our heart and mind are the most valuable resources we have. People spend loads of money on things that never really satisfy and provide no long-term improvement in the quality of their life. Surely they require our biggest investment of time, energy and money. Some see life coaching as a luxury item, I believe it is an essential part of doing life well.

9. It’s a judgement free space.  In a world of so many demands and expectations, the freedom of the coaching relationship allows you to truly flourish. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. People are not their behaviour, choices,  thoughts or emotions. All that remains is what is. The role of the life coach is simply to serve the dreams, desires and goals of the person being coached. It is all about you!

10. The best tools for change. Life coaching is leading the way in human behavioural science. It steals all the best bits from counselling and psychology and packages it in a form that is way cooler and gets outstanding results.

To find a great coach who can help you straight away, check out our website for a free session with the coach of your choice.

http://www.frazerholmes.com

facing up or running away

self esteem

Sue Hefren, (one of our great team of coaches) recently educated us all on her best thought about self-esteem.

She adapted Nathaniel Branden’s concept  on the subject (from his book “the psychology of self-esteem)  by saying we build self-esteem when we face our reality and we undermine our self-esteem when we seek to escape, avoid or hide from our reality.

When you get a handle on this concept it has the ability to transform your life.

Here is how it works:

Whenever we face up to what is in front of us in the form of problems, questions, issues, conflict, opportunities, and challenges and step up and do what is appropriate, then we teach ourselves that we have what it takes to deal with whatever life presents to us. This builds a core belief inside us that we are enough and therefore leads to great self-esteem

Whenever we avoid our reality through procrastination, laziness, distraction, game playing, dishonesty, running away, blame and excuse we inevitably take shame, guilt and anxiety away with us. Whenever we hide from what is in front of us, we teach ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to deal with the challenges of life. This builds a core belief that we are not enough and therefore erodes our self-esteem.

This has amazing implications for every area of our lives.

As parents, often we seek to shelter our children from their reality either by flattering their ego or by protecting them from the consequences of their actions. However by doing this we are undermining our children’s sense of self-esteem and leaving them ill equipped to deal with life.

Instead, in the interest of building great self-esteem in our children, we need to hold them to a higher standard. If self-esteem is important, then honesty, responsibility, consequences, challenges, problems, conflict and learning must also be essential.

What is in front of you right now?

If you were to be totally honest about your life and stop pretending that everything is OK, what is your reality right now?

What are you teaching your children?

Are you willing to face up to your reality, or are you going to hide, pretend or run away?

Do you want to feel good about yourself or not?

Do you want your children to feel good about themselves or not?

7 levels of living

spiraldynamics

Spiral Dynamics is a theory of human development introduced in the 1996 book ‘Spiral Dynamics’ by Don Beck and Chris Cowan.

I am taking some liberty’s with their idea, but here is my take on why these 7 levels are so crucial to understand. It is not necessarily a hierarchical model (i.e. the next level is better than the one preceding it) nor is it completely linear as we tend to cycle through the levels in various seasons of life, yet the learning the lessons of each level allows us to move to the next stage.

Level 1 – Survival (I)

The focus is simply on existing. How do I make it through to the end of the day without dying physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually? All energy is taken up working out how to survive what ever crisis you are experiencing.

The key to make it out of this level to the next is to find some kind of support network to belong to increase your chances of survival.

Level 2 – The tribe (We)

The focus is on finding your identity, purpose and value in the group you belong to. Independence or individuality has no place in this level. It is instead all about living by the rules, traditions and culture of the tribe/family/team uncritically.

The key to making it beyond this level is taking responsibility for your own life and stepping into independence even where it is against the beliefs or wishes of your tribe.

Level 3 – Rebellion (I)

The focus is on defining yourself by what you stand against. This is about having a cause or a fight that consumes your energy and gives your life purpose. This level puts you at odds with the tribe and leaves you outside the community. Although it maybe perceived as a negative level, it is crucial for our development and teaches us very important lessons about who we are and what we are capable of.

The key learning that allows one to pass beyond this level is being able to submit to authority.

Level 4 – The system (We)

The focus is on living by the rules, doing what is right and respecting the systems of authority around you. This is the level of religion, government, clubs, committees and laws. It is all about comfort, safety and control.  This level we learn to ‘work for the man’, pay taxes and exist peacefully within society. We trust the authority of those in key positions to tell us how to live and think and what to believe.

The key to move beyond this level is being willing to embrace risk, uncertainty and adventure

Level 5 – Entrepeneurism (I)

The focus of this level is on innovation, pioneering creativity, business, financial abundance and thinking outside of the box. Right and wrong become far less clearly defined and rules for what a person should do/think/believed are left behind.

The key to go beyond this level is to shift the focus from building your own empire to genuinely serving others.

Level 6 – Contribution (We)

The focus shifts to seeing yourself as part of the global community. We are one with all people and creation. Our role moves from being a consumer to a contributor and we seek to give back, make a difference and serve others by genuinely adding value.

The key learning to move beyond this level of living is about stepping up into ultimate purpose and capacity, discovering that your greatest ability to serve others lies in giving extraordinary leadership.

Level 7 – Statesmanship (I)

Those who make it to this level have transcended level 6 by making such a significant contribution. Examples may be: Mother Theresa, Bono or Nelson Mandela. The focus now turns to leadership and modelling a way that inspires millions of people to live differently.

The key implications of this model, is that we can’t move beyond our current level without embracing the key learnings encaptured in that same level. So many people want to make a level 6 contribution, but are operating out of level 3 or 4 thinking and so end up severely limited in their capacity to make a difference for others. Often these people resent the system or think that money is evil and seek to avoid these things at all costs.

Yet, the lessons of level 4 and 5 become the game changer for those wanting to genuinely serve others. You’ve got to learn how the system works before you can change it, and you’ve got to work out how to conquer money,  learn how to back yourself and think outside the box in order to ever make a contribution on a significant scale.

5 top tips to overcome anxiety

Anxiety free

Anxiety is such a common thing in today’s world. Here are the top 5 techniques to live anxiety free.

1. Focus on the next thing.

Former Australian opening batsman Justin Langer defines mental toughness as the ability to just focus on the next thing. The last ball has already passed and the fast bowler you are afraid of is not on until the next over, but right now all you need to focus on is the very next ball. Be totally present for the next thing.

When I am worried about the challenges of tomorrow before I go to sleep, my simple instruction to myself is to focus on the next thing I need to do – which is to get some peaceful sleep. Once I have completed that job, I’m allowed to focus on the next thing I need to do. One thing at a time.

2. Practice mindfulness. Dr David Peterson defines mindfulness as “Paying attention in a particular way on purpose in the present moment in a non-judgmental way” It is all about being totally present to the here and now. Anxiety is about focusing on past or future, mindfulness is about being here. It is to focus on one thing and to fully experience it. When the mind wonders, it needs to be brought back to that one thing. e.g. Breathing, an emotion, what the senses are experiencing, one thought, gratitude, mission, purpose. etc

3. Cut the cord between your happiness and outcomes – Susan Jeffers in her book “Embracing Uncertainty” says that if we tie our happiness to things working out the way we want, then we are perpetually tied to disappointment. Why tie happiness to things outside our control? It is still crucial to be very clear about what we want, but we need to work out how to be happy because of who you are, not just when things go the way we want them to.

Here’s my mantra – “My outcomes are blissfully free from attachment to outcome.” This means I am able to totally pour my best energy and effort into what I am doing and then let go of the need to control what is outside of my control.

4. Manage your energy. The late Stephen Covey says that there is no such thing as time management, it’s all about energy management. You can do amazing things in 20 mins with max energy, yet if you have 20 hours with no energy, you wont achieve anything. Energy is a far more important commodity than time.

I make sure that every day has periods of high and low energy – Both full engagement, and full rest. Our bodily systems need time and space for recovery. If we keep everything at high intensity, then we experience tension, stress and anxiety as constant companions.

5. Go where the life is – My favourite saying at the moment is “State is King” All our outcomes are merely the fruit of the state we are in. When I am in a great state, I get great outcomes. When I am in a poor state, the outcomes I get are disappointing. When I get up in the morning, instead of asking myself what I need to do to get what I want, I ask what I need to do to get into state, because once I’m in state, the game changes. Therefore practicing life-giving rituals that create a great state are so important to live anxiety free.